“Eddie, she said, “not all people are who they seem to be, and even fewer seem to be who they are, so all we can do, at any given time, is be true to ourselves, whatever the cost, because no-one else is going to do it for us.”
From “A No-Man’s Land”
Trans gender Life, regardless of where on the scale between male and female or out-side the scale we currently reside is a constant struggle for that trueness to ourselves. That is the Ultimate Core of all Trans gendered People – a desire to be exactly who we are at any given moment. For most of us the realization of that desire comes at a high cost, physically, emotionally, spiritually and socially, a cost that either leaves us broke or transformed.
Once the desire has been recognized, acknowledged and embraced, there is no way back – we either go forward or we perish. Most non-transgendered people don’t get this. That is, I think, the main reason so many non-transgendered people allow themselves to question our self-determination – they think they can shame us into “the closet”.
The fact is that there never really was any closet for any of us – with each of us there has always been something that didn’t fit the traditional gender molds. Whether it was our choice in toys and games as children or our mannerisms, vocabulary, or attitudes as teens and adults, something was always slightly “off”, and people around us could always pick up on that “off” and point to it with a question: “WHAT are you?”.
It never seemed to register with them, that a human being can never be a “What”. A “What” is a thing, an inanimate object that doesn’t feel, doesn’t hear, doesn’t see, and thus cannot BE or desire to BE.
By questioning our self-expression and reducing us to a thing, people around us robbed us of our right to an identity independent of their definitions, and demanded that we define ourselves as they defined us. When we give them OUR definitions, they disregard WHO we are and demand that we define WHAT we are.
The fact of the matter is that defining gender is irrelevant to defining a person – it might be relevant if you are breeding dogs or raising orchids. Except for the individual, gender is of no consequence whatsoever.
So, don’t ask me WHAT I am, ask me WHO I am.
Transitions 